Well, seems I failed at blogging again and went on a pretty decent sized hiatus. I'm sure I'll start that 30-day challenge or something at some point, but I just feel like writing right now. Just to constantly type about anything and everything and put my thoughts out there. I'm not even sure what to type honestly. I just sat down and figured what the heck.
Ever do something and regret it a second later? Even if it was just agreeing to something and than the inward groan of "what the fuck was I thinking?" Of course you have, everyone has at some point. I should be no different right? Only I think I can't get out of it and have no idea what on earth I'm doing anymore. I've come to like it in Nebraska and I definitely plan on staying here another year at least. I've started to make a few friends and actually go and hang out or do stuff. It's just nice to have a good night of fun instead of being constantly stuck in my bedroom, or the apartment in general. Blah. Sometimes I wish I were stronger with my word choices, or adamant in where I stand on certain subjects. It's rare when I speak up for myself and go against the crowd. I'm a people pleaser. It happens. I'd rather see a smile on someone else's face than on my own, and sure you can say "that's not true at all, you know you want to be happy," and well you're right. I do. I just don't often take the initiative to do so. I'm caught somewhere between where I want to be and where others want me to be. I always hear that in the end a person has to do what makes them happy and what is best for them, but in some ways that just seems like a cop-out answer given as an excuse to something they do. I probably just read too much into things though.
Balls, that's a good deal of rambling. With that, I shall be off to go drown my thoughts and emotions into a beta game of some sort. Blah.
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