Joy

     This song, just makes her want to dance. Sometimes it's the smallest of things that make her smile and puts butterflies in her stomach and just makes her day a tad brighter. She never has the words to properly express herself, and often fumbles, creating a mess with the things she says without meaning to. She continues to try though, because being able to make him happy, or put the smallest of smiles on his face, absolutely makes the trying worth it.


“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

- Dr. Seuss

Hum Dee Dum

     Well I keep sleeping off and on a lot today, which is kinda nice considering I find myself getting little to no sleep at the best of times (not that I'm complaining, because I enjoy doing things instead of sleeping). I find myself wanting to write today, but I'm not entirely sure what to write. WoW is down hella today for maintenance, which I suppose is good, but it's my day off and I feel like vegetating, so eh... I don't know for sure, but I think my mother and sister may be coming up here for Labor Day, and that's at the very least. I'm hoping my dad and brothers will too, but who really knows... I know I say it a lot, but I miss them a hell of a lot. As much as I hate my job now, I may stick with it the rest of the year here and just find me a good job back in Oklahoma and move back... Or at least work my ass off here, save money, and see about apartments and whatever back in home. I love my family, but there are far too many of them living in my parent's house, and while I really enjoyed sleeping on the back porch (enclosed mind you), I did not enjoy the mosquitoes and whatnot since the dogs went in and out the back door. I guess it would be kinda good for me to move back with them in at least two ways. One being financially, because I wouldn't have to pay bills then, though I would offer to pay some sort of rent. Two being I could help my mom clean the house up and such, since no one else really does and things seem to just pile up. I'm pretty sure if a yard/garage sale would be a good thing for the house getting clean, plus a small intake of money, though the non-working vehicles would need to be gotten rid of finally... Maybe I could even help my dad fix up the boat and whatnot, or at that point, maybe I'd go back to OU for my Masters. That's a whole lot of maybes, but moving home seems really nice right now... It was so hard to leave from Mother's Day, and I didn't even get to see half of my old friends that I wanted to. I need to make some for real plans of what I want to do. That would be incredibly helpful.

Blarg...

     Well, it's been a week since I last wrote something so I think I'm due to write a new post. Besides, I feel so tense I just need to do something. It feels like a rare thing when I'm truly good enough, or do something right. I try, quite a bit, but it doesn't really feel good enough. I just feel like I'm being a letdown somehow. This is probably part of the reason I try to stay quiet, to keep to myself. I feel like I'm sounding very pessimistic, and depressed, but I'm not at all. It's just the reality of how I feel at the moment. That mixed with being homesick as hell again. I can't wait until my family comes up here to visit, even if it is just my mom, but I just miss Oklahoma in general... I don't know what I want to do right now. Guess I have a good ten months  to think about it...

Work Again

     The endless cycle of going to work, hating my job, and coming home. I finally got an email (after two full months mind you) from one place saying they were looking for more "qualified candidates," so I'm trying to apply for a few more today at the very least. I need a better job than JcPenney's, and honestly I have a little higher standards/expectations of myself than just an associate in a retail store. I'm really hoping for the one that is at my cousin's school. That would be too perfect. Looks like I'm probably going there to see if she can help me out a bit. Perhaps I'll write a bit more later...

Subconscious

     I open up this page and I feel like I should write something... The question is what though? Sometimes I feel like my life is a very poorly written book, though I haven't decided on the genre. Maybe it's just one all of its own. I often wonder how it's going to play out in the end and what might the protagonist end up doing. I guess that's the one good part. You never really know what's going to happen, or where it will end, or at least start a new chapter. I could have gone and gotten pizza with my aunt and cousin, but I choose to stay home why? In hopes of doing stuff elsewhere or maybe getting to chat... Waiting feels like the worst part. It makes me feel a tad lame that I choose to wait on something that may not even happen instead of going and doing what I know will, but I find it worth it, so I don't care. Guess I'll go get myself murdered about fifty more different times on Diablo III, Inferno while I wait. I so hate Inferno...

Memories

     So when I was looking through old pictures yesterday to find ones of me in my Girl Scout uniform, which sadly I didn't find, I did find old ones from Girl Scout camp, from church camp, and from other random life events. Kinda made me miss those days a lot. I used to tell myself that I was going to be a counselor at the Girl Scout camps, but that eventually faded the farther I got into school. My sister though, has continually been active through the camps, and was a counselor this year and last. I can honestly say I couldn't be more proud of her. I don't think she'll ever read this, but I'm truly proud of the woman she's growing up to be. Made it through the first year of college and looking for another job during the school year. We definitely had our huge differences, and even a falling out of a sorts through some harder times when I should have been more there for her, but I'm thankful she's my sister and miss her quite a bit. I can never express how much I really care for her and her well being, without sounding like an overbearing big sister, but the more I watch her grow up and go about her life, the happier I am things turned out as they have. I wouldn't trade the events for anything, and hopefully she'll get to visit Em and I soon.

Assumptions

     I've always been told the saying, "You shouldn't assume things, because what does it do? It makes an 'ass' out of 'you and me." Now thinking on that now, I don't think it makes an ass out of both parties, but just the one assuming. Either way, I just lost my train of thought and it is nowhere to be found... Fail. I'll probably type more later, but I owe someone a picture of me from my scouting days, so I shall have to see what I can possibly dig up. Woot.

Amazing

     So recently I've gotten into looking up the "stats" on my blog, and I think it was yesterday where it said I had forty views. Needless to say, my jaw dropped a tad. Someone may read this and think that's not a high number at all, but for someone who doesn't always write very often or put her stuff out there, and what she writes is rather random and not always coherent, it's pretty amazing.
     Today I think my cousin, my friend, and myself are going to one of the museums downtown. I haven't been there since I was like ten, so it should be pretty interesting. Plus, there's this temporary exhibit called "The Mindbender's Mansion," and anyone who knows me at all, knows that I LOVE puzzles. Give me a sudoku puzzle book or a word puzzle or something else, and I'll be entertained for hours. I like them because they get you to think, often outside the box. I'm really curious as to what this exhibit will be like. Mayhaps I shall throw up some pics of the place later. Who knows. As for now, I shall take Jude, my wonderful shelter dog, out and finish getting ready.

Dreaming

     Sometimes, I wake up from really vivid dreams, but I think I'm still dreaming so I'll say something out loud, until I realize that there's no answer coming and that the amazing things going on previously, were only dreams in my head. It's always such a disappointment, because then I try to fall back asleep with the hope of continuing my dream, but that doesn't often happen. Sleep has become light and fleeting for me recently. Maybe too much on my mind, worry, or stress. I don't really know. I do know I try to keep myself up often as late as possible, because sometimes that's better than my dreams. Hard to describe what I mean by that, but eh it happens. Time to get ready for another day...