She glared at her phone as if it would blow apart just by her mind willing it; the other option being to throw it against the opposite wall of her room as hard as possible. Granted, both these options would leave her without a phone and it would be wise to keep it more or less in tact for work. Sighing, she turned it on silent and threw it into the corner of her bed. She refused to look at it any more tonight. Arguing created more stress and frustration to her life and that wasn't something she wanted, nor something that her body handled well. Leaning back against the multitude of pillows, blue eyes darted from one end of the room to the other. She needed a distraction. Something...


     Maybe one day I'll piece all the little excerpts that I write, into one whole and coherent story. I think I'd like that..

     So I had forgotten how completely god awful it is to be really sick. Being stuck in bed for long periods of time with a fever and congestion is just obnoxious. I hate sounding so scratchy and robotic like. Just blegh. Not being able to breathe right is always a pain too. Maybe I'll write more later today or tomorrow. I've been slacking off with this plague that my co-workers and customers have brought upon me. Evil people. If you're sick, just stay home! If you need to, take some meds, an extra day to rest, wash your hands real good and carry around some sanitizer. I don't want your sickness ever again. >.<

     Sometimes when you're really stressed, it just helps to close your eyes and listen to music. My head feels like it is constantly having someone drum against it. Whether it's from stress, my headset, or something else I don't even know. I just know it hurts like hell and annoys me to no end. The only thing that seems to calm it is laying in my bed with the lights out and a warm rag over my eyes with some of my music playing softly. Blah. I'll bet that good night's sleep would help a hell of a lot, but between this and that and the other thing, I just can't manage to get one. I'll cross my fingers for one of these nights...

     I've decided that I don't need a title for everything. If you always use one, then you often waste some of the most amazing ones and it just never feels right to constantly reuse them. It's all good though. I'm kind of considering taking a nap, since I've been more of an insomniac of late. It's not that I don't want to sleep or anything, just my body decides to wake up every three hours or so, or there's nightmares that often wake me up. Between the two I just tend I have quite the broken sleep pattern. I would thoroughly enjoy a good 8-9 hour, uninterrupted, night of sleep. Just may have to go buy myself some zquil or whatever for that. We'll see if it gets any better.  For now though, I'm drawing a complete blank as to where I'm going from here. Perhaps I will try to nap. Woo!

     Sometimes, things just get beyond your control or anything you can do, no matter how much you want to do something and make it better... Going to be a long night with my thoughts...

Shine

     Sometimes I simple song can lead to the greatest breakdown or the greatest pick me up. I have always loved this song, but at the moment, it just kind of speaks to me... Not really sure how I can possibly explain it, but it does...

     She furiously paced up and down the small open space in her bedroom. Her emotions were in turmoil and rage was the easiest one to grab and hold on tightly to. Every day a new accusation. Every day one to often build on old. Something had to be done, but there was nothing she could do. Knowing when to give up and let things go had never been her strong point, and she wasn't about to stop now about something she felt passionately about. Something she cared deeply about. What did it matter though?
     She sighed haughtily in resignation and fell onto her bed, burying her face in the multitudes of pillows that adorned it. Silent tears cascaded across cheeks flushed with anger. Being like this was something she hated. She felt weak and fragile, even when she knew she was stronger than she often gave herself credit for. A jingle of tags and a shake of the bed brought her out of her brooding. Her dog crept up beside her and laid his head on the blanket under her. A simple gesture. Just an acknowledgement of his presence and wanting to be near. She rubbed his head and crawled under her comforter, praying this wouldn't be another sleepless night.


     I don't know. I've been having off and on urges to write. I just never seem to know what exactly it'll be until I'm done typing it and at that point I have no wish to erase what effort was there, heh.

Bedtime Thoughts

      She cast around in her bed, trying to fall into a blissful slumber to escape each passing day. The darkness was total as she pulled her comforter closer under her chin and blinked into the nothingness. All was still and quiet, save for her small space heater turning on and off at intervals when it thought the temperature dropped too low and then finally got warm enough. A sigh escaped her lips as she flopped back onto her back. The churning thoughts weren't going to relinquish their firm grip any time soon and sleep just slipped farther away each moment. She ached to just speak her mind, but who was going to listen to her? All things she held closer to herself than one could ever think, and kept it hidden away inside. It ate at her slowly, bit by bit. It drained her of so much emotion, she just felt empty.
      Rolling back onto her side, she pulled the blanket close again, tucking her feet up beneath her and closed her blue eyes again. Listening closely she could hear the soft snore of her dog laying in the middle of her bedroom floor and smiled slightly to herself. He could sleep anywhere and in any way and still seem as comfortable as ever. He brought her some joy as she gently patted the bed next to her. She heard the shake of his tags and yawn before she felt his weight land on the bed next to her. He wasted no time and curling up against her stomach, offering a small lick of comfort to her. She giggled lightly and scratched his stomach until she hit the spot that would make his back leg kick. She knew he enjoyed it and licked her until she had to hide under her comforter. At that point he seemed content to just lay there as she laid a hand over his back and stared off into the dark. This time though, she found herself drifting within her mind, and with thoughts of that which could actually make her happy, she fell into a fitful sleep filled with dreams.

     I don't think I've felt this drained and empty and numb in a very long time. The surrounding silence with my screaming thoughts is beyond comparison to anything I can think of. No amount of music can drown it out and make it go away... Even reading isn't as absorbent as usual. That's when I know something is wrong. Guess the easiest thing to do is crawl into bed and just call my day over. Ups and downs are more exhausting than hours of work. I'd just like it to be a constant and consistent good again...

     Probably a bit sad when you lose track of how many times you listen to a song.... Yeah. It tends to happen sometimes. I think it's time to lose myself in my book again. Easiest way to make my mind stop thinking and throw my emotions into something else.


One chance; take it.
Two options; soar or plummet.
No point in holding back,
everything to gain,
with nothing lose, when all has been lost.
Broken walls rebuilt, brick by brick.
Done with the chances of letting one close...
A sigh, a far away look...
A dream...


What on Earth have a I just written... Feels like nonsense. Definitely time to read...

Happy New Years

     I think this year my goal is just to be happy with myself and my life... Sometimes it seems overbearing and when I look at the future it's daunting, but I think it's possible...