Ahead of Myself

     I admit that I don't always make the correct choices in life, and things don't always turn out the way they should, or the way I hope they would, but hell. I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be perfect. Ask anyone who knows me and I'm sure they'll tell you I'm the first to admit how imperfect I am. All I want to do is be me. I want to find a job I actually love. I want just enough money to live comfortably. I don't need to be rich... I just want to be happy. I'm sure I've said it before, but sometimes I just have to reiterate it. I don't know... I've spent the day feeling sick to my stomach and job hunting. Put my resume up, and updated my profile, on at least 3 different search engines, asking random questions of people whom I know have jobs that I'd be interested in trying out. I've physically gone places looking, only to be told it's basically all done online so now I've applied for several different specific jobs. I almost wish I didn't live in an apartment just so we could have a garage sale and maybe I could sell some random stuff I don't use or wear anymore. Yes it could be donated to the Goodwill, and maybe I'll do that instead. I may even donate plasma on the side or something just to be sure I have enough money, and keep searching. After this I'll type up an email to a manager of mine who has already been published and see if he can help me with some of my stuff... It's a long shot, but it's also worth a try....
   
When she talks to you, her stomach turns and a grin is laid bare.
Happiness, an emotion craved and sought after like gold.
Fear of the unknown and a broken heart,
creates an attempt to keep at arm's length.
Constantly failing, and hoping to be caught,
but falling right through arms to the ground;
she breaks down and hides it from sight.
She refuses to show weakness, refuses to go;
she'll fight until there's nothing left.
Her trying often goes unnoticed,
and feels like an attempt in vain,
but at least she knows she was honest and upfront...
She tries not to hold back, to keep to herself;
throwing her heart out on a string,
unraveling at the ends and fraying.
A lack-luster confidence mixed with a heart of gold,
she didn't know what to do...

     I don't know where that came from, or what to even call it. Heh, I know it's nothing amazing, but at least I'm randomly writing something, sometimes.