Can I please just have a few redo's? I didn't think so. Life isn't so kind like that, and sadly nothing like a video game or anything else when it comes to doing stuff over. Just feels like not much I do is right. Each day has a let down and a failure of some sort in it. Perfect days are far in the past of high school where things were far easier.
Speaking of high school though, I was thinking about it the other day and my high school reunion thingy should be sometime in 2017 and 2012 is almost over meaning it's been five years (or there about) since I graduated high school. What have I done/accomplished in those 5 years? Well... I guess I bought my first car, I graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a bachelors in English Writing, I fell away from the guy I had been living with and dating for at least three years, moved away to Omaha, Nebraska, and got a job at JcPenney's. I guess when I list it out like that, it looks like more, but I honestly don't feel like I've done much of anything. I feel like I'm stuck in this unsuccessful rut, just stuck at the bottom of the totem poll in everything I do. I told myself I wanted to play in an orchestra, I sure as hell haven't worked on anything enough to even audition for one. I told myself I'd write a book of poetry, a novel, a short story, just something. All I've done is barely keep up with my blog. I tell myself that maybe if I were good enough, I could stream and finally earn some money (through donations, ads, whatever else) from something that I really enjoy doing, but I fear I'm not good enough and as much as I pretend not to care what other people think or say, I do. I'm shy, I'm passive, I don't often stand up for myself in ways I should. Roll it all together and I'm not sure I have the personality to do it. I really need to settle on something and put everything I have into it. I'm going to be twenty-four this month and I'd love to feel like my life had some serious direction that it is heading in sometime soon...
I think I know how you feel, although I certainly haven't spent as much time as you have in that state. In high school I was involved in many clubs and activities. Now in college, I go to class and that's about it. I'm not involved with any campus activities or clubs, and I feel like it's all going to waste.
ReplyDeleteI think many people are in the same boat as you. For me, I feel slightly ashamed everyday when I walk into a restaurant and see fellow Berkeley students talking about some activity their group is holding or some startup they are working on. It makes me feel inadequate, even though I know that what I do isn't really who I am.
You should set up a stream if you're interested in doing it. You don't have to be pro, you just have to take the time to do it and stream basically everyday. I play Guild Wars 2 in the evening with friends and I'm considering setting up a stream although I haven't quite done it yet. I don't intend to go 'pro' with the game, I just want to be relatively good and stream during evenings when I play. I think consistency is key for that part, and if you stream enough then you will have a user base that builds over time as long as you leave your stream in forum signatures and whatnot. For you it would be easier since you're a girl and the vast majority of MMO players seem to be male and so there would be more interest in that.
I think it's important to separate a game from your life unless you intend to go pro. It reminds me of the time when my friend went to pre-order the next set of Magic: The Gathering cards and a guy asked him if he was 'sponsored'. My friend was taken aback and simply said 'I have a job'. It's important to have goals in everything. In GW2 I want to become a commander for World vs. World. In life, I want to get my college degree and build the startup (an online card game) I've been working on.