Day 24 and 25

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

Hmmm.... I'm going to have to go with being alone. Not just because I'm lonely specifically, but because at that point I often don't know what to do with myself even, and then I start to think and it's all over. If there's something that has been bugging me for awhile, or something that I remember that wasn't really great or anything, then I start to think on it, and I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I just break. Completely. Unstoppable tears, sobs, being annoyed with myself, the works. It sucks because I don't want it to happen, and I want it to stop, and neither seem to work. Blah. I very much dislike being left alone to my own thoughts...

Day 25 – A first

A first what? Bah humbug, this one should be more specific. Well, this will sound weird but I think the first major funeral that hurt me, was one of my best friend's dad. He was like a second father to me. I was always over there and he would cook us dinner, let me stay the night, take me out. It was great. I loved being over at their place, it was always homey and I always felt very welcome. I was still in high school when he suddenly passed away from I believe an air bubble that hit his heart. I was absolutely in shock. I couldn't believe it was real, not one single moment. I tried to go to work that night and ended up just going home after being there like five minutes. I literally couldn't function properly at that point. I don't think it truly hit me that he was really gone until the funeral itself, and I could see everyone so sad and crying, and as much as I tried to hold it back, I cried a lot the day he died, and the day of his funeral. It hurt to go through his stuff with his daughters to try and sort everything out, but I went when I could. I have the little mini bible he gave me from England I think, and I have one or two of his military Velcro name tags. As goofy as it sounds, I treasure those things. I still miss him today. Sometimes I feel like he could call and be like "Hey we're making brisket and having a night of it, care to join?" Though I know that it won't. Dang... It's been like 5 years or so... And it still hurts.